17th
Out with the old, and poopy. In with the new, and… well not poopy!
So, finished all of the instruments for one song. Drums and bass are done for the other 4. Pretty stoked about it. It’s gonna be a while before I put any of them up on the myspace page though.. lots of stuff yet to be done ya know?
Does anyone feel like things just keep going wrong? Like all the time?
I feel like people come in and out of my life everyday. It sucks. I have an awesome core group of friends who keep me grounded for the most part. But there’s still a void that’s keeping me a few inches off the ground sometimes. I don’t really know how to fix it either. I’ve tried just about everything I think. Maybe I just have to wait it out. “good things come to those who wait” is a quote I’ve been trying to keep in mind throughout all of the madness that seems to be happening.
Maybe I’m just that guy who like, takes things that are sorta bad and then multiplies them by like, 100,000 and isn’t having the best time. Am I my own worst enemy? I dunno. I just miss the stable ground that used to be beneath my feet. Maybe I took it for granted. But I’m trying to avoid the cracks and bumps in the road as best I can. Or at least go at them head on, and deal with it accordingly.
I just push people away I guess. Or keep them at arms length and let them in just a teeny tiny bit. Then I put on a front towards those people and pretend I’m 100% happy. I’m just a needy dude who wants someone to help make him happy I guess. Because right now I’m incapable of making myself completely happy on my own. And I’m too stubborn to admit I’m in the wrong. It’s like.. I could change and make others happy in hopes that they’d make me happy. But if I’m not me, would I be truly happy? And if I’m settling for less than I want, I’d no longer be doing someone else a disservice but I wouldn’t be doing right by myself anymore. It’s hard to judge what’s right at the moment. Looking out for #1 or trying to make people happy. I feel like if I try to please others, I’d be doing it to distract myself from underlying issues. But if I don’t, and people around me are miserable because of me, I have the underlying issues to deal with as well as surface ones. Who knows anymore. I need to get on a regular sleep schedule and stop being on the computer all of the time. You can only refresh the pages so many times before it becomes redundant.
